Advice Blog - Start it off with 'Dear Hayden'

Here to help.

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Anonymous asked: Dear Hayden, Well i really like someone but they live really far away. I talk to them every once in a while and i don't know what to do. Any advice?

How far are we talking? If its possible to get to where they live, like a train ride away or something then maybe try harder with them and try and find out if they like you! But if you know its not going to work out or if they don’t like you, like them thenn your the one who is going to get hurt! Its hard liking somebody who you can’t have, I’ve been there before and its horrible! I drifted away from them to try and get over them, because I know if I was talking to them a lot then my feelings would take over and i’d feel like crap inside! I hope everything works out for you and keep smiling! <3

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Anonymous asked: Dear Hayden,

Hi.:)
So in every relationship I've had so far, my immense love for affection has always been the underlining issue or reason for the break up. My first and most serious boyfriend and I split because that's all he was interested in. Second was ruined because of me and how incapable I am with restraining myself, and the third ended because...well I guess he was just uninterested. But I ended up losing my virginity to this guy, I feel incredibly used and unwanted. I can't really change the fact that I'm entirely too sexual for my own good, do you think that's something that needs changing? I don't NEED a relationship at all, but they are enjoyable. I just am unsure of what I should even be looking for in a relationship, or a person for that matter, because every guy I've dated have been absolutely wonderful people. Should I give douches a chance or just stop dating all together, at least for now...

Hey, well i see your problem, but it all depends on your age, if you are young thenn you have the rest of your life, but if your at the end of your teens thenn its also not such a big deal, don’t ever think your unwanted because at least somebody wants you! Don’t be so harsh on yourself because there is nothing wrong with being too sexual, some people like it, some people don’t! Its down to the individual person and what they like! But you will find somebody who fits your urge for sex! 
But i have to admit, relationships are fun, relationships fill gaps in your life, and there is nothing wrong either in wanting to feel loved by somebody!
Take control and search for what you want, and not for what other want! Hope I helped! And never get down about others, you have yourself and that’s what matter :) <3

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Anonymous asked: Dear Hayden
Ive been with my girlfriend for a while now, but recently things have gone downhill. Well, ive found this lad, now, ive been curious but not bi, well, he seems different as if i would want a relationship, but there is a bit of a distance between us. ive never done anything with a boy, and although i put on this front that i would, if it come to it, i would be shitting myself. also, what would you do with my girlfriend of year?
Cheers

Well you need to focus on your true feelings, what do you really want?

Would you cheat on your girlfriend with this guy? And dont do something which you are unsure about. Dont give up, and be yourself, stop hiding behind your strong front. Im sure you will be fine 

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Anonymous asked: thanks for the advice! ill be sure to atleast TRY and talk to my dad about it. :)

Good, all he can do is listen and thenn TRY and change things.

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Anonymous asked: hi i have a friend named Danielle shes a slut every guy wants to fuck her she is my bestfriend and its shame, i really want her to change. I mean i dont know if she has STDs but shes a friend can you help me? ~ i also have another friend named molly she is a crazy bitch, she has ADD, ADHD, and she has STDs and she is a little freaky but she is my friend and i would like to get her changed but i dont know how.

You cant change your friends, im sorry but youve got to take them for who they are. You can advise them not to do things but i doubt they will listen to you. Try and make her see reality and hopefully they will realise whats happening. Good luck. 

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Anonymous asked: Dear Hayden,
Im a fucking idiot, and I dont know HOW I could be but here goes:
I had sex a few weeks back, we used a condom and everything but im due on my period and it just hasnt come yet. Im freaking out and I dont know what to do.
help? :/ x

Well dont freak out, im sure you are going to be okay, get checked out at the doctors, and thenn go from there, well done for using a condom, but its best not to panic. Stay calm. 

Hope i helped x

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Anonymous asked: dear hayden.
basically, this is me being stupid and sad over a boy. But basically about 2 weeks ago i started talking to this guy, i knew for a while before but we only just started properly talking. He was calling me beautiful, saying he wanted to be with me and all this. But he has a girlfriend...he told me things were fucked up and that he was breaking up with her, and he did, and he said we was going to be together, and that i made him happy, and that he couldn't wait to kiss me. The day he broke up with his girlfriend he was going to come see me, but it was late and i didn't want to go out because i'd been ill, i wish i'd seen him that night though. The next day we were talking like normal and he was going to come see me after college, but then it turns out he got back with his girlfriend. He told me he loved her and was sad without her, and that if he'd seen me the day before that might have changed things. so i'm fucking annoyed at myself. But that was 4 days ago now, and we haven't spoken. And the next time i'm going to see him will be next friday, and i don't know if i can wait that long. I really like him and i don't know what to do, do i talk to him? Or do i just wait? i don't know :/

Well i wouldnt wait around for him tbh, he is kinda playing around with your heart, his being selfish and only suiting himself. He shouldn’t be giving you mixed signals because it leaves you lost. Try occupy yourself with something else because he isn’t going to leave his girlfriend for you. Im sorry to say that but he just wants the attention off two girls. You two maybe together in the future, nobody knows but at the moment i dont think anything will happen. If he really wants you thenn he will chase you, dont be running around after him because he will love that. Be yourself and let him do the running around. Take care.

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Anonymous asked: dear hayden,
be prepared for my life story, sorry.
so ever since i was little my parents faught, and i was always my daddy's little girl. then when i was in 5th grade, my parents divorced. i was happy until a month later my dad introduced me and my two siblings to his new girlfriend, i was a little confused at first, i mean i was only 12 i didnt really know how to handle it. then as time went by i realized i was losing my dad to her. like his "love" i guess. which sounds selfish, but i could feel it. then they got married, i started growing farther and farther apart from my dad, who i was once so close to. i hurt really bad. now i was in seventh grade at that time, and i was used to covering up my feelings and bottling things in. i never told anyone about how i felt about it, then the firsst semester in eighth grade my step mom got pregnant, and everyone was so happy, and i love babies, so i was too. then she had a miscariage and i felt invisible, i know its a big deal, but i felt like my dad was just absorbed in her and her feelings. i didnt matter, then a few months later, she was pregnant again. this time, she lasted the whole pregnancy and throughout it i felt like i just kept slipping. and throughout this whole time, i could never have a one on one conversation with my dad anymore, she was always there, and didnt respect me when i asked her politely to leave. and sometimes she would yell at me for reasons that i thought were unneccasary and my dad would just sit there and watch and not say anything while i tried not to cry. like once we were in walmart and i whispered under my breath shut up to her, not meaning to, but she was getting on my nerves, she comes up right in my face, and SCREAMS at me, so loud it echoed, and my dad just stood there and acted like nothing happened. i was crying the rest of the time we were in the store. he always sides with her, no matter what. so now shes had the baby, and i feel completely pushed out of my dads life, like he has a whole new family. and he never listens to anything i say, so ive drank, smoked weed, and cut myself, i dont eat anymore and when i do, i throw it back up. i just dont know what to do anymore. its putting a strain on my life and i feel like i can only talk to one person about it my best friend, and even he is drifting from me now, too. i cry everyday, and today broke down in school. everything is messing up in my life and i feel like i cant do anything about it. and i dont know if you can either, but i needed to vent. thank you for listening.

Its okay :)

Speak to your dad, when you have a chance to get him on his own, even if its for just a second, say -  I really need to speak to you.
He should thenn make time for you, any dad would.

You dad is only supporting his new girlfriend, she lost her baby, that’s something his made and has just been wiped out in front of his eyes. That really does mess somebody’s life up, knowing that soemthing you once created, doesn’t live no more. 
You cant always be centre of attention, because your dad has more than one priority now, he still loves you, always has and always will, but things are going to change as you get older, and your dad probably doesn’t understand how your feeling now, so you need to express yourself to him, let him in on your feelings and whats troubling you.

Try not to resort to cutting yourself because it doesn’t make you feel any better about the situation, dont harm your body please.
Smoking weed and drinking wont solve your problems, it wont change them and it wont make then go away. The only way you can solve this is if he understands what your going through. Your still your daddy’s little girl, but he has been through a hard time aswell.

You shouldn’t let your dads girlfriend rule you, she isn’t your mom, so dont let her be one, no one can replace your own mom so dont let her. Be polite but put your point across.

Your life will get easier and better for you, just hang in there and your time will come to show your dad whats been happening.

I really hope i have helped you here, let me no if i have or not please. And good luck <3 

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Anonymous asked: dear hayden.
two weekends ago i expierenced the worst day and best day of my life wrapped in one day.
ive liked my best guy friend for about a month and a week now, and ive never liked someone so much and he knows that too. but two saturdays ago, i went to his house, with two more of my friends and we drank.
the whole night was spent with me in his arms. ive never been so happy in my life. and we mostly snuggled and we made out quite a few times as well, and we totally forgot about the other two. he said he sweetest things to me, and i know he was pretty tipsy, but i still felt so good. i had never been so happy.
well, i guess when we were cuddling, the other two (a boy and a girl) did their own thing, and made out topless and she got fingered and he had a girlfriend and his girlfriend found out and now both their lives are screwed as well, shes now labled a 'whore' and he broke up with his girlfriend of 6 months.
so, my mom found out and i had never felt like i had disappointed her so much in my life. then i find out that what him and i did on saturday meant nothing, and that hurt me so much. i felt like my heart got ripped from me. we are still best friends, but i dont think he really realizes how much that hurt me. i thought that that meant something, i have never been so stupid in my life. and i had never been that hurt by someone. i have really low self esteem and that didnt help at all. so i havent eaten much since then and then ill come home sometimes and binge and purge. ive developed an eating disorder, i cut myself. i cry every night, and yesterday i was crying and then soon, no more tears came out. i tried to distance myself from him because my friend said it would be best for me, and i cant but now that i was a "total bitch" said by the other guy that was there, who i also ignored, im being pushed away by my best friend. i dont have many friends, and i cant lose him, hes the only person ive told my secrets too. hes the only one who makes me truly happy. i dont know what to do anymore. i dont want to lose him, but i need to help mysel get over him at the same time. i know he doesnt have feelings for me and he knew how much ive liked him and i just feel like he didnt care if he played with my emotions. but that just doesnt seem like him. im so confused.

Okay, well, his been sending you mixed signals and that isnt fair, alcohol does change people but its still not fair what he has done.
The best you can do is speak to your best friend and ask him how he feels, why he thought it would be a good idea to make out with you and why he didnt stop it. Tbh, he must have some kind of feelings for you if he let that happen in the first place, i assume he cares for you alot more than that. Maybe something else is stopping him from showing his true feelings.
You shouldnt cut yourself over anybody, its wrecking your body and it doesnt help your self esteem, because when you have finished cutting yourself, the scars are still there, and you will look at them and become depressed again. You probably dont feel any better once you have cut yourself anyway. You need to start eating properly aswell, dont depend your whole life on one person because you will never know who is going to let you down.

I see your in a bit of a mess with feelings and your self esteem, but youve got too find a way of being more confident about yourself. Anybody can do it, i just hope i have helped, and that this mess gets sorted out.